Jeffrey Campfail

I never do posts about fashion because PonderPants isn’t and won’t ever be a fashion blog. I appreciate the religious cult that the fashion industry is and fall into it from time-to-time, but I never went to school to understand it, create it, merchandise it or perpetuate it. That’s not to say I don’t admire the artistry of profound fashion design and photography. Sometimes I need to pry myself off the computer whenever I have Twisted Lamb open in my browser.

 

But let me get to the point I was going to make. I love Jeffrey Campbell shoes and have a few pairs of them. The hidden platform wedge thing he’s got going on has me hooked. So what the hell was he thinking with these design mutations?!

 

Lita Shag – Furry boots can be bad enough but it looks like someone hammered a chunky wooden heel into a guinea pig. An unfortunate and filthy guinea pig.

 

Kasa Woven Sandal – The basket cankle says boot but the open-toes and basket cankle say, “The meteorologist that lives in my head is bipolar.”

 

Smudge Fab – No amount of mushrooms or opium will make me want to chase the magic dragon in these babies.

 

Pingpong – Pingallsoveryverywrong. Is it just me or do the little squiggly straps sort of look like bacon strips?

 

Lancelot – More like Frankenboot or schizophrenia in a shoe.

 

All Ruffle – It’s like dressing up a butch lesbian in a tutu or something. Leather ruffles send me the wrong signals. It’s like gender identity and sexual orientation crisis in a shoe and enclosed with a buckle. Maybe you’re a female that likes other females or a male that likes females but was once a female or some confusing mishmash of something else? If you are, here’s your shoe.

 

Demeter – This design might flourish better as some architectural creation, like a building or not at all.

 

Wildchild – Now your feet can whip their hair back and forth.

 

Pixie Hair – Good god, what do I do with these? Feed it? Groom it? Is there a rabid animal trapped in there? Should I stomp it out and kill it? Is a homeless man missing a gnarly patch of his beard?

 

*All shoes’ feelings were not harmed in the making of this post as they are inanimate objects. If you think otherwise, I’d advise against chasing the dragon so much.



Advertisements
Tagged , , , , ,

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: