Category Archives: Mental Ramblings

Crave

I’m craving the world and a sensory overload to knock me into submission. My senses have been muddled with a heavy dullness I can’t seem to shake standing still, standing here. A cloudless blue sky offering a blinding white sun to lift my sullen New England mood is not enough, it just illuminates everything familiar and routine. And safe.

I need to gorge myself with world culture until I choke.

I want a ringing in my ears, like a deafened eardrum recovering after gunfire, and a foreign dialogue echoing in my head as I drift to sleep.

I want straddle myself between tradition and modernity, feel a wayward tug-of-war pulling my limbs into historical context. I crave anthropic understanding beyond the diluted teachings of textbooks, and insight so truthful I’m burdened with epiphany and guilt.

I need to feel weightless and out-of-place.

I need to roam.

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Must Kill TV

I try not to watch a lot of television because if I do my brain will rot to low-grade compost. People look down on those who have a constant puddle of drool in their lap and an uncontrollable left-eyelid twitch.

Here are four commercials I would love to pummel with a stinky Gefilte fish if that were at all possible.

Febreze Breathe Happy

This has all the makings of a fantastically C-rated snuff film, and I am very sure I saw a Dateline special with the same story line as this stupid commercial. Can someone make a parody of this, please?

Domino’s Idiot Focus Group

How the [bleep] did these focus group members not [bleep]ing see the [bleep]ing cows munching on the [bleep]ing grass outside of the [bleep]ing building in which their [bleep]ing focus group took place? Unless these were the kidnap victims from the Febreze commercials, and Domino’s used chloroform-soaked rags, a windowless white van, miles of rope and burlap blindfolds to transport them from that death basement to the focus group room, I don’t understand how these people weren’t more aware of their surroundings coming into this Domino’s focus group.

Nasty-Ass Community Bed

Ok, I can see this commercial actually happening, except for the part where everyone reacts positively to the disgusting news and continues to lay on this fluffy, communal germ-fest. Hearing the sheets were washed a week ago and realizing the buffet of skin cells penetrating the very fibers of this bed I was pushing my face into would make me an unhappy individual, and someone would surely be getting punched in the spleen. Camera man, the bearer of bad news, the person who went before me, whoever.

Charmin Basic Cheap-ass Bears

Alright, if you are too broke to afford toilet paper – they even sell individual rolls in case a multi-pack breaks your pursestrings – you need to stop watching TV, get up off your punk ass and get a job. You might enjoy your go more realizing affording life’s basics are no longer a concern in your wonderful adult life.

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Knight of the Sky

Nicholas Dimancescu (captured by Khara K.*)

Very rarely does one get the privilege to meet a human being so genuinely selfless in their mannerisms, so open with their heart, so contagiously enthusiastic about pursuing their passions, and so beautiful to the eye, mind and soul. I am at vexing loss for words over this tremendous void we’ve acquired in our tangible realm of existence, a void we will learn to accept but never fully understand. Nick, if you were to look down upon us now, we might be unrecognizable to you. We are all tidal waves of torment, temporarily living beside ourselves as we mourn. We blindly propel forward only to come crashing down into a million shattered pieces, undulating between reason and insanity, but please understand that we will be okay. There is something to be said about strength in numbers, and we are no exception. It holds no relevance the level of friendship and intimacy each of us have reached with you, dear friend, because you have enriched all of our lives for the better and impacted us entirely.

Once the aching in our hearts fade and we can draw breath without staccato rhythm, we are going to embrace the life we were given like we’ve never before. The moment our eyes dry and we start to see through this thick haze of angst, confusion, and all the emotions between, we are going to strive to fulfill our dreams as you did yours. You have left us with the greatest example of accomplishment, and as we regain our strength we will pick up the pieces and carry on for us, for you and because of you.

Handsome and brave Knight of the Sky, Nicholas Dimancescu, it was an honor to have been your friend, and we will always love and cherish you.

*Khara K. of IceCreemDreem


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Label Whore


This is the face and attitude I’m required to have when I’m donning branded clothing during promotions.

Here are some* photos of the branded clothing I had to don.

Nike - Boston Marathon '09

New Balance - Boston Marathon '10

Entourage (for RCN Cable) - booze not included


Bobbi Brown (makeup, not Mr. Whitney Houston)


*I have done over 100 promotions. I have done over 100 different promos. Be afraid, be very afraid.

Fresh Fruit Bouquet Company, Murray’s Sugar-Free Cookies, Hills Science Diet, Hood Simply Smart, Mentos, Back to Nature, Guinness, TD Banknorth, TFAL, Gnarls Barkley, Zagat, Boost Mobile, Nabisco, Metro, Hills Science Diet – PetFit, Nature’s Best, Miller Lite, Cinnabon, Function Drinks, Puma, RCN, Quizno’s, Polaroid Pogo, Cramster.com, Sparks, Dentyne Ice, TJ Maxx, Stride Gum, Coraline, Lazybones Laundry, Dunkin Donuts, Virgin America, Columbia Land of Flowers, Glamour Magazine, Culinary Creations, MCAT, The Wall Street Journal – Fidelity, Disney’s UP, Rooftop Comedy, Lottery, Power Bar, Nintendo, Redux, Speed Tick, The Last International Playboy, Comcast, Red Sox, Metro and TD Garden, Disney’s Princess and the Frog, Beth Israel Deaconess Hospital, GI Joe, GoGo InFlight, Arkham Asylum, Samsung Jack, My E-Pets, Versus, Direct TV, Kia Soul Collective Tour, Caritas Hospital, Walgreens, Nescafe, Slammin’ Salmon, Capitalism A Love Story, The Company Store, Quaker Oats Cereal, Deftones, Smirnoff, Swedish Fish, Client Y, Wells Fargo, Capital One Bank, Best Buy, Coupon Cabin, Oreo, Dice.com, Beats by Dre, Seamless Web, EMC, AirBnB, Ghirardelli, Pump Up the Pressure, Grey Goose, Bicardi, etc…
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Art & Literary Hankerings

Art, to me, is this erratic release of self-expression that I’ve always let rampantly course through my veins whenever an internal fit of inspiration insisted on tangibility. Like wild fire, the artist in me has never been predictable or tame. Writing, for me, has been a temperately crafted skill, and in my college years it became more of a labor and less a love. The substance of my intellect is made up of art and writing, and while the quantitative relation between the two has always fluctuated, I was an artist well before I ever considered myself to be a writer. Will I ever consider myself to be either, and equally?

I found an artist, Brian Dettmer, that has created the perfect metaphor and physical representation of my – sometimes conflicting and usually overlapping – passions. Check these babies out.



Photos Brian Dettmer’s work accredited to Eugene’s blog post: “The Book Surgeon.” Eugene also provides an explanation of Dettmer’s process.

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PAX East

Over one past weekend I worked at PAX East. If you aren’t familiar with what it is, don’t worry because I wasn’t either. But I now know it stands for “Penny Arcade Expo.” Before March 11th, I would have asked myself, “What is this ‘Penny Arcade’ you speak of?” Thanks to this up and coming service called the “inter-net” I also know it is a popular and longest running “webcomic focused on video games and video game culture, written by Jerry Holkins and illustrated by Mike Kr[-something or rather].” Shit. The last video game I defeated was Donkey Kong. On Super Nintendo. When I was, like, eleven. And with the help of my mom ’cause she’s cool like that.

I relied on public transportation to get me to & fro. The green-line to the red-line, the red-line to the silver-line, the silver-line to the Boston Convention and Exposition Center. There were lots of Spring Break-bound kids with rolling luggage clogging up the train, antsy for out-of-state sunburns and boozy socialization. I could sense their eagerness for youthful debauchery, this collegiate so-called rite of passage. Once I hopped off at Park Street and waited for the red-line, there was something noticeably different about the air. Something was less arrogant, less assertive, less Alpha-Tau-Omega-SB-2011-4EVR-y, and far less shots-shots-shots-shotsshots-shots-y. It was more maladroit, pale-skinned-y, floor-length-leather-trench-coat-y and MMORPG-y. Once I arrived at my destination, I realized the source of the electrostatic shift – gamers. And there were thousands of them. For a second I was worried they’d smell a faker in their midst, turn on me and beat me with their handheld gaming devices. Luckily for me, they were too involved with their portable video games.

The magnitude of the booths impressed the heck out of me. Actually, no, they weren’t just booths. A booth makes me think of a branded 10 x10′ tent with siding and banners that click, velcro or zip-tie together, and can be assembled in 10 minutes by two people. Sometimes there is a wobbly folding table involved. At PAX East, it felt like I stepped into a gamer amusement park, where two-dimensional video game worlds were realized on the most grand scale mobile trade shows can allow. Have you ever seen a soon-to-close KB Toys in a dingy strip mall, flickering fluorescent bulbs shedding its ugly light on uninviting parched shelving, revealing dustballs and shitty looking toys not even a blind kid would play with? That, to me, is the New England Home Show. Remember FAO Schwarz in it’s heyday, especially the multilevel flagship stores, where every square inch of space was interactively magical and it took all your adult effort to not to climb all over the oversized stuffed safari animals, or stomp the crap out of that floor piano in a hectic childish rapture? That, to me, was PAX East 2011.

A prominent PAX booth became my home base for three days. My job was to get people to take a quick survey, fetch prizes and take photos. I won’t go into specifics, as I would like my food to go down smoothly, but due to my small stature, the exponential growth rate of stagnant (and often smelly) body heat, and the rare opportunity for prudish males to gain physical contact with the opposite gender, my left shoulder was soaked. These next photographs might show you how my uselessly over-Purell’d shoulder came to be so.


You see my point.

I met some very interesting characters, er, make that caricatures. There were a couple dudes that didn’t want to make eye contact with me and a few that held this weird non-blinking eye contact, as if they were challenging me to a staring contest or preforming Jedi mind tricks. To change things up with our photos, the other “booth babe” and I suggested doing a stereotypical promo pose with a pair of guy friends. One of them said they didn’t know what that was, and since he looked young I asked him his age and if he had even been to prom yet. He simply said, “I’m home-schooled and lack socialization skills.” You don’t say? Here’s a tip, if you find yourself an outsider at one of these conventions: never ask costumed people of they bought their costume. More likely than not, they spent countless hours making their costume from scratch. Speaking of which:

I could spend the rest of this post trying to sum up everything I saw and felt at PAX East 2011, but I’ve got stuff to do and there ain’t no way I could begin to wrap my head around the psychology of gaming and the gamer. I will simply observe from a far, detached and dry shouldered and leave you with pictures of some highlights from my weekend.

Game Over

;

Photos are from the Turtle Beach Facebook page.
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Isle of Tune

My darling boyfriend shared this music-making site with me today called Isle of Tune. If you like music and aren’t too tone-deaf, I recommend playing around with it. You make these cute little paths which you can decorate with houses, lamp posts, trees and flower patches-each have a corresponding sound effect, beat or note you can customize accordingly. Up to three cars follow along the layout you’ve created and plays each element to a steady rhythm. It’s quite impressive listening to some cover tunes people have already made. I tried my hand with the fun, online program and this is what I came up with:

“Let Go” – Imogen Heap

Some of my favorites were:

-“Bed Intruder
-Theme song for Pixar’s “Up
-“Beat It” – Michael Jackson

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Me Likey

Why didn’t I ever think to do this? I spill paint on everything all the time when I paint. As does my cat. Our mishmash or splishsplash never looks this cool.

 

 

Jeffrey Campfail

I never do posts about fashion because PonderPants isn’t and won’t ever be a fashion blog. I appreciate the religious cult that the fashion industry is and fall into it from time-to-time, but I never went to school to understand it, create it, merchandise it or perpetuate it. That’s not to say I don’t admire the artistry of profound fashion design and photography. Sometimes I need to pry myself off the computer whenever I have Twisted Lamb open in my browser.

 

But let me get to the point I was going to make. I love Jeffrey Campbell shoes and have a few pairs of them. The hidden platform wedge thing he’s got going on has me hooked. So what the hell was he thinking with these design mutations?!

 

Lita Shag – Furry boots can be bad enough but it looks like someone hammered a chunky wooden heel into a guinea pig. An unfortunate and filthy guinea pig.

 

Kasa Woven Sandal – The basket cankle says boot but the open-toes and basket cankle say, “The meteorologist that lives in my head is bipolar.”

 

Smudge Fab – No amount of mushrooms or opium will make me want to chase the magic dragon in these babies.

 

Pingpong – Pingallsoveryverywrong. Is it just me or do the little squiggly straps sort of look like bacon strips?

 

Lancelot – More like Frankenboot or schizophrenia in a shoe.

 

All Ruffle – It’s like dressing up a butch lesbian in a tutu or something. Leather ruffles send me the wrong signals. It’s like gender identity and sexual orientation crisis in a shoe and enclosed with a buckle. Maybe you’re a female that likes other females or a male that likes females but was once a female or some confusing mishmash of something else? If you are, here’s your shoe.

 

Demeter – This design might flourish better as some architectural creation, like a building or not at all.

 

Wildchild – Now your feet can whip their hair back and forth.

 

Pixie Hair – Good god, what do I do with these? Feed it? Groom it? Is there a rabid animal trapped in there? Should I stomp it out and kill it? Is a homeless man missing a gnarly patch of his beard?

 

*All shoes’ feelings were not harmed in the making of this post as they are inanimate objects. If you think otherwise, I’d advise against chasing the dragon so much.



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The Artist & The Internet

 

It’s not that I’m Amish and shun modern-day marvels like light bulbs and atheism, but I like to keep things simple. I was late to jump on internet bandwagon’s like Twitter and YouTube and still ask myself, why do I find it necessary to tell whoever is listening that my cat’s so fat he fills the sink bowl in the bathroom? And why am I uploading a video of this? In the ADD rush of present day society, it’s hard for an artistic soul to collaborate harmoniously with a force as daunting as the internet. Our independence is swallowed up in the cyber masses and we feel as if we’re conforming. Remember when it was cool and rare for a band to be discovered by MySpace? Now, anyone with a recording device and lung capacity has a music page and thinks they’re the next big thing. The internet is an evil, dreadful place.

 

I take that back. The internet is what people make of it. Learning, mindless entertainment, missed connections, retail therapy, stalking and in the case of my article, marketing. I am an artist. I paint pretty pictures and have sold a few without the direct help of the internet. I had a few paintings hanging up in a little café down the street and left my contact information on a makeshift stock card plaque. Once I had a table at an open air market and gained a few sold paintings and commissioned projects, but I still felt my art needed to reach a greater audience. How and where would I be able to do this, and for free? Paging Dr. Obvious, paging Dr. Obvious! The internet.

 

Everyone and their brothers have Facebook. Your aunt, their mailman, my exboyfriend’s mother, registered sex offenders, everyone. I’ve allocated a photo album for images of my art and you should do this too because, voila, you’ll have an online portfolio building before your very eyes. Set the privacy settings for that particular album so everyone can view them. Keep adding photos throughout your artistic journey. Do it. Now.

 

 

To better enhance my cyber presence I’ve created a MySpace page completely devoted to my art and free for the public to view. I’ve gained random fans this way. While MySpace might be the slutty and rebellious sibling of Facebook, you can customize the look of your page to fit your whole persona. I’ve done just that. My MySpace page is strictly art related. Sometimes I binge for thirty minutes just requesting artists’ friendships. It can’t hurt to have your Top 8 be made up completely of other great painters, can it? I have 400 million intelligent, cultured and talented MySpace friends, and what do you have? Underage half-naked chicks? Lame.

 


 

There are other free sites like ImageKind and FineArtAmerica where you can upload high-resolution photos of your art and sell the prints. Have you ever ran into the problem of someone wanting to buy an original painting you’ve already sold? Or turned a corner to find a large group of shrieking Japanese school girls asking for multiple prints of one painting? Sites like these take care of the dirty work. They handle custom orders, printing, framing, shipping and payment. They give you codes for personalized banners that promote your art which you can embed in other personal sites, like MySpace. When you sign up for a print-selling site you also join a community of other artists who in turn become fans of your work. I’ve sold a few prints here and there and had my ego inflated due to all the positive feedback I’ve received on my art. You can opt for the free profile or pay a little extra for more exposure, it’s up to you. Oh, and you can’t forget a great place like Etsy. Take advantage of cyber-boutiques! And make sure you read the fine print.

 

You’re probably thinking I’m a narcissist, but I’m not. I’m an artistic narcissist and obviously have a WordPress site where I ramble away about my creative process and other things. I’ve put art banners and buttons throughout my page too. My blog is yet another outlet for me to convey what I am and what I do, and to show you where else to go if you like it.

 

Now, pay attention, kids. This is where it gets tedious. Go grab another cup of coffee or take a stretch break.

 

[Insert elevator Muzak]

 

 

Good to go? Great. Have a seat again. The key to having a better impact in cyberspace is by linking everything you’ve put out there to each other. You know those “bio” or “about me” sections on all these websites?

 

“Hi, my name is Blab McBlabberson. I like blab and long blabs on the blab. I’m also an artist, check out my site! http://www.blabart.com.”

 

Or caption and/or tag options you have for photos?

 

“This painting is titled ‘Blab’ and it’s 4 x 4’, acrylic, egg yolk & spider whiskers. Prints are here: http://www.blabart.com.”

 

Be sure to take time and link everything together. In my Facebook art albums I’ve included the dimensions and medium of each piece and a link to its print. You can link Painting #1 on Facebook or WordPress to the specific Painting #1 URL on Etsy, ImageKind or Fineartamerica, taking a few steps out of the process for a potential buyer or fan. On my WordPress site you can link certain words or photos. As soon as I publish a blog, it makes an announcement on Facebook and Twitter. I’ve linked and tagged the crap out of blog articles and while it might sound repetitive, it’s not. Every bit of consistency and diligence helps. There has to be some sort of psychological theory advertisers live by that includes branding and product bombardment as a successful way to increase sales and revenue. Why, just the other day I was tempted to buy anti-aging cream. I’m 25.

 

This was my little blurb about how I’ve habitually used the internet to gain more exposure than I could just sitting on my butt and doodling into the horizon. This is how I’ve greased the wheel. Nothing has been scientifically proven or FDA approved, but I believe my advice will help you get on your feet. Just remember to be diligent, patient and consistent while starting up and maintaining your cyber boutiques. Give people the option to click to different site even if its intentional or accidental on their parts. You never know who will stumble across your stuff and be your fan for life.

 

Shameless plug:

 

 

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